Shame.

 

It’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.

The decision to go through with surgery was not one that was made lightly, it was months of research, weighing up options, and countless consultations with medical professionals.  It will mean drastic changes in my life in order for it to be effective and to maintain my health.  It is also a “last resort” – I can’t possibly live this way anymore.  My health – physical, mental and emotional just can’t take it anymore.

So why do I find it so difficult to tell the people closest to me that I am doing it? Aside from my immediate family and one friend, I have told everybody that I will be having a hiatus hernia repaired – a half truth, as I will be having the hernia fixed in the same procedure.  I finally felt the fear and told one of my best friends today – and her reaction shocked me – because it was nothing but support and reassurance.

I am not sure it is even people’s reaction that I am afraid of.  It’s more what they may be thinking.  That I am taking an “easy way out”.  That I am just lazy.  That I am beyond help.  The truth is – people are people and their motives are not always nice.  I’ve been in situations before where revealing something personal about myself has been used as emotional blackmail.

So for now, the jury is out – to tell, or not to tell?

Or I suppose they could just stumble upon this blog….. 😉

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9 thoughts on “Shame.

  1. Alexandra says:

    Honey bunny…I want to say something I think important…so listen up! Surgery is nothing to be ashamed of. I am SO proud of you for taking that step. Many people believe that all you do is go in get cut and fixed and voila! But the truth is that after surgery you have to maintain a brand new eating lifestyle. It is difficult. So you have to be strong to do what you are doing. Believe me, if I could do that, I would. But my doctors won’t allow it because of my heart. But this is about you. So, you open your mouth and you tell everyone what is going on. Your friends and your family, the true ones, they will want to support you and cheer you on to victory. Because…that weight is so unhealthy that it can bring on early death. I’m in that boat right now and I’m fighting like hell. You do so as well. And DO NOT be afraid to say so. It is a brave thing you are doing. The right thing.

  2. I know a lot of times the shame I have is actually more about how I feel about myself and less about how people see me. Women have this strange habit of being their own worst critics. Do not be ashamed for taking a courageous step to make your life healthier and better. Anyone who tells you this is a lazy way out is misinformed and you can have 2 choices, politely inform them or tell them to eff off! 🙂 – Don’t be ashamed of taking care of yourself. You stand proud and just keep going!

  3. Alexandra says:

    Where are you? I hope you’re just busy with life and not sick or anything… or worse… given up on the blog. Wait, when is your surgery? I need to go back and look it up.

  4. amanda12wbt says:

    hey nat, don’t worry what other people think. like you said, you haven’t taken the decision of surgery lightly. you’ve thought it through and done your research into it, and this is what you’re doing. don’t think of surgery as being ‘the easy way out’ because its really not very easy at all. and if anyone that you tell doesn’t support you, its because they don’t realise that surgery is your way of saying ‘i want to lose weight, and i need physical help to do it’. i personally think there’s nothing wrong with having surgery to try and improve your health, because at least you’re trying. some people are perfectly content with just eating bags and bags of junk food and guzzling soft drink all day and packing on the pounds, but not you, you’re doing something about it, and thats something you should be proud of, rather than ashamed of.

    p.s. i hope you don’t get sick off he bug your kids have before your surgery!

  5. […] – she is truly an amazing woman) and after doing some thinking I agree with her – the shame  I spoke about in a previous post was not so much about what other people thought, but more ashamed […]

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