Emotional day

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I had a really emotional day yesterday.

The children were at daycare, my husband had gone back to work and I had some quiet time to be alone with my thoughts.

I am SO looking forward to beginning a journey to a healthier life with my children and husband. I am looking forward to the things I’ll be able to enjoy doing with my children that my weight has held me back from doing. The years I’ll be adding to my life to see them grow into the wonderful adults I know they will be.

BUT, I am also afraid.

I thought it was just a fear of coming out of the procedure itself, and partly I am, but I have realized I am mostly afraid of failing yet again.

This will be my THIRD weight loss related procedure, and my fourth procedure in that general area. My poor guts have taken a battering over my short life. Which not only makes the surgery more risky, but my absolute last chance for an opportunity at a full life. This is it.

I have also been beating myself up about having failed for so long and that I am yet again risking my life in order to achieve something I can’t do on my own when so many people can.

I am SURE this is mostly self esteem issues, and self esteem has never been my strong suit, but I’m working on it.

I am grateful for this blog. don’t think I would have gained so much insight without being able to sound off my thoughts….

3 more sleeps!

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